we're chasing vodka with high fives
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
