I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
