Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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