Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
