We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
