I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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