running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
