She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
