is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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