If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He kissed a someone with a penis
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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