whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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