buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
