While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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