i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize