I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
