sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am naked and annoyed.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
