Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
