i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
