Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
