I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We are all done wearing pants today
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
