I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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