her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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