you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
