Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
