Im at strip club and am horny
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
