I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize