I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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