You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
