I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
