I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
