Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
