The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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