You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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