just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
