I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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