Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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