So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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