I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
