It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i think im in europe. pls send help
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
