I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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