Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i came on her dog
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
