im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think I sprained my soul last night
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
