this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
