well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
