if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
