How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
