Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Your penis caused this!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
