i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Someone came in the potted fern
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
