At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
