I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
