Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
