your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
