her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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