She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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