I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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