If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
