I have demons in me.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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