I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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