she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
