She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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