Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
