My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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