And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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