I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think my vagina is haunted
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
