How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We left the knife in your bed.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
