I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
