You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Everything about him screamed your future.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize