There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
