youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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