if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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