Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
