dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
