I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
