Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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