you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just blew my weed a kiss
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
