oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
