so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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