I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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