that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
