My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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